42

How is it that at forty-two I am here in front of a computer, trying to remember my life over twenty years ago?
It’s amazing how time has crept up on me and how I can now see the gray in my hair that were once jet black and the wrinkles that have snuck in as I slept.
I smile as my thoughts drift back to a teenage me, who was once afraid to dream.
What’s the point of dreaming when the reality is so much more accurate?
I was certain I had all the answers.
I was unlucky and I would settle down and get married spending my life stuck on an island that never seemed to fit me.
There are those destined for greatness, I, however, would be me.

The anger filled adult child that wore a mask of strength and character.
I grew up in an underprivileged part of the city.
Where drugs counted as recreation and violence was an everyday occurrence.
I knew many people, but counted on one hand, the people I could trust.
I learned what people say, and do, are often two different things.
When drugs come into your life, those you knew became strangers that feed on the kindness or your heart.

Through these years I lived the life of a drug addict and saw violence in which became lessons, of the decisions and choices made by myself and others.
I was not an addict, in fact, I used to say I didn’t believe in drugs, which is now funny.
Drugs are not like a ghost or aliens, drugs exist.
I don’t mean that ghosts or aliens don’t exist.
I am, however, saying there was no valid scientific proof that ghosts or aliens are real, yet.
There might be a time when I am proven wrong and we find out that ghosts have been walking the planet, staring at us naked this entire time.
When that happens, I will apologize to the poor ghosts who had the unfortunate scare of seeing me naked.

There was a time that the thought of being naked in front of someone did not scare me, but I was in my twenties which is an age when your body and skin wasn’t yet stretched from excess fat or lack of muscle.
My twenty’s, wow, it seemed like a lifetime ago and yet if I closed my eyes, I can see the past, just as vivid as I can now see the present.
I still remember moments I would rather forget.
I still cry, but at other times I smile, remembering something that made me laugh over twenty years ago.
As we get older, this is what we remember the most, the moments between you and a loved one.
The sound of a person’s voice who has long ago passed.
The smile of an old lover, you wished that you could forget.
Time is something we must all face, the memories we should cherish.

 

 

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